But, what does rest mean anyway?

Y'all, I am not really sure that I know how to rest.  I am constantly doing something and I almost feel like if I am not then I'm doing something wrong.  I struggle with "not being enough". Not being a good enough mom, wife, daughter, youth leader, etc.  So, part of me never stopping probably stems from making sure that I am taking care of things, getting them done so somebody else doesn't have to or whatever reason that my mind has conjured up.  I just need to take care of things! Get it DONE!

Well, there have been now 3 times that God has said, "STOP NOW!" because I guess that I wouldn't listen any other way.  It was like God truly said, "GIRL, STOP DOING NOW! TIME OUT!'

When I was pregnant with my first child (my son who is now 15), I went into preterm labor 6 weeks early and was put on bed rest.  BED REST? What is that?  I went home after my doctor gave me orders and called back to talk to the nurse and asked what exactly bed rest meant.  The nurse laughed at me and replied, "It means you can lay on the couch. Go to the restroom. Lay back on the couch. Go the bed. Take a shower. Lay on the couch." I got the picture. Bed Rest... I was going 100 miles per hour.  I didn't have everything ready for our first baby. I worked full-time.  My husband and I were always doing something adventurous.  How was I going to do bed rest??? Because of my baby, I did what the doctor ordered. I realize now that it was God's way of making me BE STILL before the baby was born because I have never had a still moment since he was born (15 years ago) until now. 

We bought a farmhouse to remodel with land for a farm and have been working on it non-stop for 8 months. We bought our first farm animal - a horse. I decided to try to ride him bare back without really knowing how and without asking anybody for help. Did I mention that I was stubborn? Needless to say that it was a horrible idea because it resulted in a fractured sacrum, torn hamstring, bruising, bone edema and me feeling really stupid and stubborn. The doctor didn't say bed rest, but he did say that I needed to refrain from doing anything that made it hurt.  Insert crying emoji here.  Lots of things made it hurt.  Refrain from activities, how??? We are still remodeling the house and now working on the farm, building the fence, etc. I didn't feel like I could rest. I have to help. I always help. I am a doer. I don't really let people do  things for me.  I tried keeping on as my normal routine, but it made one of my legs worse. I did my best to slow down, but I never really did.  Other than ride our horse, I still did my  typical things. At 6 weeks post injury the doctor released me with the stipulation of "if something hurts then you need to wait to do  that activity. I was still struggling with my hamstring a bit.  And, guess what happened - another accident.  Seven weeks after the first injury (first broken bone ever), I fell down our porch steps and broke my foot.  I was getting ready to paint the front porch.  I had blocked off a row of steps to keep our dog and cat from getting on the porch when the paint was wet.  I was carrying a shop vac down the rock steps and I stepped over the row of plants and missed the next step (I think) and fell down to the walkway which resulted in a broken foot on the bone that leads to my right pinkie toe. I knew it had happened as soon as I landed.  Never a broken bone and now 2 within 7 weeks.  I realized in that moment that God had tried to get my attention with the sacrum and I didn't listen. So, here we are again 1 week post injury and I am being still. 

Sit still. Stand still. Lay still. Whatever still just doesn't go with me.  You know when you are small and you really know you are in trouble with your parent 'cause you didn't listen. Well, that is how I am feeling right now.  God got my attention.  I am a "well, if I am not doing it, then nobody else is going to kind of person." But, that is NOT true. If I am not doing it, then God is there to help me.  He is there to help me to figure out next steps. He is there to help with my job. He is there to take care of it. He says to not worry and to trust!  It isn't easy to just hand things over to God, but that is what we are called to do.  Give our worries to him. Pray and then Believe that he will handle it. And, BE STILL in knowing that HE IS GOD. Be STILL and listen to what he is trying to tell you. Be STILL and listen to his still small voice when he is guiding you.

Right now, I have so many things that I am trying to focus on and I am 100% convinced that I wasn't hearing what God was trying to tell me, so he made me BE STILL.  I am now listening with my whole being and waiting patiently for him to show me next steps.  Is it very easy to want things to happen in your timing, but your timing is not God's timing and that isn't an easy pill to swallow most times - especially for impatient people like me.

Is this YOU today, my friend? Are you struggling with the weight of the world? Slow down my friend, Pray. Give your struggle to God and TRUST that he will guide you.  BE STILL in the peace of our Lord and don't be as stubborn as me.  

Lord, I ask you to help me be still. I ask that you help me to hear your voice. I ask that you help me truly give you my struggle and place my trust that you will help me take care of the situation in your perfect timing and not my own expectations. Amen.